I must warn you straight away that this will be a tale of two halves, well technically seven sevenths – but that doesn’t roll of the tongue quite so well. Anyway – conquer the first chapter, which is based around an almost inconceivable amount of relentless text-based drivel, and you shall be rewarded in the following instalments with countless astonishingly mediocre photographs, alongside yet more relentless text-based drivel. And for those brave souls who battle through to the end, there will await a congratulatory video montage of preposterously poor quality, and a stiff virtual pat on the back. Even so, this could well be the best thing you read for quite a while, assuming the only other things you plan on reading are the back of a cereal packet or any article ever published in ‘The Sun’. Let’s begin.